SOMETHING IN COMMON ; COMMUNITY IN DURHAM IS TRYING TO MAKE NEIGHBORLINESS A WAY OF LIFE; [CITY Edition]

SOMETHING IN COMMON ; COMMUNITY IN DURHAM IS TRYING TO MAKE NEIGHBORLINESS A WAY OF LIFE; [CITY Edition]

Soyia Ellison JOURNAL REPORTER. Winston - Salem Journal. Winston-Salem, N.C.: Feb 27, 1999. pg. 1

Abstract (Document Summary)

Eno Commons is an experiment in cohousing, one of about 100 that have sprung up in the United States in the last 15 years or so. About half a dozen are in North Carolina. Cohousing originated in Denmark in the 1960s as a response to the alienation that many people felt in modern suburbia. Each cohousing community operates differently, but they share some traits: private homes, common areas, frequent group meals, decisions made by consensus, and perimeter parking lots with central green spaces and walkways.

*For more information on cohousing, visit The Cohousing Network at www.cohousing.org. Eno Commons' Website is at www.hawk- systems.com/web(underscore)pages/eno-commons/ and Westwood CoHousing Community's Website is at westwoodcoho.home.mindspring.com/ westwood.html

5 Journal photos by Jessica Mann; 1. CLOSE-KNIT: Eno Commons in Durham is a community of 22 houses built around a common house. Residents help decide every facet of their neighborhood life. 2. TOGETHERNESS: The community is designed for planned and spontaneous get-togethers, such as group meals (above). 3. Christine Della Maggiora serves up some pasta. 4. [Jessie Handforth Kome] (left at far right) and Gabrielle Varela feed the children. 5. PEOPLE WHO CARE: Robert Heinich reads to some children. Residents gather often for business and for fellowship.

Full Text (1417 words)

Copyright Media General, Inc. Feb 27, 1999

Caelia and Andy Bingham didn't want to spend their retirement years living with a bunch of old folks.

They wanted a diverse, vibrant, close-knit community where their neighbors were also their friends. They believe they have found that place in Eno Commons, a collection of 22 pastel bungalows clustered around what is now a muddy mess but will soon be a well-manicured pedestrian walkway and a common house.

The Binghams and the other residents will gather in the common house several times a week for meals, meetings, movies and general hanging-out.

Eventually, they will perhaps pull weeds in the common vegetable garden or fashion wooden gifts in the still-to-be-built community workshop.

Until the common areas are developed, though, they gather in neighbors' homes for Tuesday night pasta, Saturday pancakes or Sunday soup.

And they attend meetings every two weeks where they help make decisions about every facet of neighborhood life, from pet policies to carport dimensions to planting schedules.

A `very compatible group'

The core Eno Commons group formed about five years ago. They attracted members by advertising locally and in a national cohousing newspaper, and by creating a Website. There is already a waiting list should anyone decide to sell.

"This is a very compatible group," Caelia Bingham said. "These are a group of people with sort of common interests in the environment and in community and sort of creating a village."

The first family moved in in July. About half have now moved in; the other half are still waiting for their houses to be finished.

Most residents are in their 30s and 40s, but a handful are younger or older. They are mostly middle class (the houses sold for between $142,000 and $174,000, which included a 50-by-80-foot lot and a share of the common land and common facilities). All are white, except for one adoptedblack child. There are two gay households and a mixture of Protestants, Catholics and Jews. There are 18 children ages 8 and under, one 11-year-old and one 17-year- old.

"We have single moms, couples with kids, couples without kids," said member Neal Caidin.

Caidin joined the group about 2 1/2 years ago.

"It's really nice to have a group of people who know each other and care about each other."

The community is designed for planned and spontaneous get- togethers. Along with the group meals, there are movie nights, holiday celebrations and an annual no-talent contest. But there are also impromptu gatherings and drop-ins.

"It can take three hours and two beers to get to your house on Friday night," said Jessie Handforth Kome.

Handforth Kome, one of the first residents to move in, said she lived in a tight-knit neighborhood in Maryland and participated in shopping and babysitting co-ops there. But the sense of community in Eno Commons outstrips anything she has experienced before, she said.

Just before a couple with three kids were to move in, she said, the husband got a call that his mother was dying. He left to go be with her. So one of the Eno Commons members made a list of all of the things that needed to be done before the move, and members signed up for various tasks. They brought meals, packed boxes, unpacked boxes. Tuesday night pasta became a tradition after the Komes started taking dinner to a family every Tuesday while the woman struggled through a difficult pregnancy.

She pointed to a man walking towards her carrying a laughing girl. At the first meeting he attended, she said, he announced that he didn't like kids, and they didn't like him. "Now he's one of their favorites. He's so good with them."

About that time, Margaret Donnelly came out of her house.

In one arm she held her daughter, Rivka, dressed in hand-me- downs from a neighbor. With the other, she lugged a wagon loaded down with an enormous pot of soup for a group meal.

"People ask what the group has in common," Handforth Kome said with a laugh. "We all love food."

Decisions by consensus

Not everything about cohousing is so much fun.

Residents must make countless decisions, attend countless meetings. And because cohousing groups operate by consensus rather than by straight voting, making a decision sometimes takes time.

"It's really, really hard learning communication skills, making decisions," Handforth Kome said. "Consensus doesn't mean that everyone agrees."

It does mean that everyone gets a chance to be heard and that those who disagree with the majority opinion must step aside before the matter can proceed. If they don't want to do that, the matter is tabled. Sometimes, matters are tabled forever. An emergency voting provision exists in cases where tabling an issue isn't feasible, but so far they haven't had to resort to that.

Some of the more controversial issues, Handforth Kome said, included whether to allow carports, what to do about cats, and whether to allow guns on the property.

"Most Northeasterners thought it was idiotic (to want a gun in the house)," she said. "Southerners and Westerners didn't want people telling them what to do inside their houses."

The original group had banned guns. One couple wanted to change that. The group couldn't agree. The issue was tabled. The couple who wanted the guns decided not to move to Eno Commons, so the matter will probably never come up again, she said. As for carports, they decided to allow them in certain areas, with certain restrictions. And outside cats must be belled so that birds can hear them coming.

The group has agreed that if residents don't abide by the policies, they will first try to work out differences themselves. If that doesn't work, they will go to a professional mediator. Donnelly estimates that each resident spends between 4 and 15 hours a month contributing to the community in one way or another. They also pay monthly dues that are currently $20 a month but which will soon rise to about $90 a month.

Paula Robbins, a member of the Westwood CoHousing Community in Asheville, knows all about the countless decisions and the weekend workdays clearing brush or putting up fences. Although she has no regrets, she said she might have thought a little harder before making her decision had she known how much work was involved.

"You have to have a great tolerance for meetings," she said. "This is not a place for a loner."

Robbins owns one of the 23 townhouses that make up the Asheville community. Its common house contains a kitchen and dining area, laundry facilities, a children's playroom, a library, a woodworking area and two guest rooms with a bathroom. They meet for group meals two or three times a week.

"This is a group of very interesting, intelligent people," she said. "But this is not a utopia, and there are people who live here that I really don't like."

But Robbins, 63 and divorced, finds its preferable to her old condominium complex in Charlotte. There, she served on the board and still only knew a few people well enough to even say hello.

At Westwood, when she recently returned from a conference on the West Coast, "I got hugs from six people, and another half a dozen asked me how my trip was.

"There are people who care."

[Illustration]

5 Journal photos by Jessica Mann; Caption: 1. CLOSE-KNIT: Eno Commons in Durham is a community of 22 houses built around a common house. Residents help decide every facet of their neighborhood life. 2. TOGETHERNESS: The community is designed for planned and spontaneous get-togethers, such as group meals (above). 3. Christine Della Maggiora (right) serves up some pasta. 4. Jessie Handforth Kome (left at far right) and Gabrielle Varela feed the children. 5. PEOPLE WHO CARE: Robert Heinich reads to some children. Residents gather often for business and for fellowship.

Reproduced with permission of the copyright owner. Further reproduction or distribution is prohibited without permission.

People:	Kome, Jessie Handforth, Robbins, Paula
Document types:	COLOR
Dateline:	DURHAM
Section:	E
Text Word Count	1417
Document URL: